There are some very special people who’ve made a huge impact on my life. I dedicate this to one special person who came into my life – unannounced, a total stranger, and made such a deep impact on me that long after he has gone I still think of him, miss him and wish I could see his smiling face again!

As a teenager, growing up in Chennai, going to the temple was a regular routine. I was in the temple one day when this handsome old gentleman called out to me and asked me – ‘Can you sing?’ I nodded to him and said ‘yes’.   He then said to me – ‘why don’t you come and learn some bhajans from me? I teach at the temple everyday.’ My friend who was with me at the time said yes and I said yes too. And so our relationship started.

I was told his name was Mr M. O. Srinivasan and that he was a cricketer of some repute. In fact, he played for the Indian cricket team! A keen cricketer himself, my dad was in awe of my new teacher and I was actively encouraged to take lessons from this gentleman.

Now I have to confess that when I said I could sing that was a blatant lie because I was the most reluctant student ever. I had no motivation to learn music, was a terrible performer. I was tone deaf and out of tune 9 times out of 10! I only started music lessons because grandfather thought music was a more fulfilling pastime than dancing (dancing was my real interest because of all the pretty costumes!). I was not naturally musical but my grandfather thought I was the next best thing to MLV. He would make me ‘perform’ and smile proudly as I sang. How he could do it I will never understand because in those days I was pretty close to being totally AWFUL! My parents of course were my biggest fans after my grandfather passed away.

So, my lessons with this handsome old man started at the temple. I wasn’t his only student as I found out on my first day. He had a big group of students which included kids, adults and senior citizens of both genders. It was an unconventional set up and a quaint group but I enjoyed the madness of it all. A group of people, of varied musical capability learning from an old man who totally enjoyed his music and was totally oblivious to the imperfection around him! We fondly referred to him as MOS mama. MOS mama taught us beautiful bhajans and introduced to rare and exotic ragas. I gradually transformed from a hesitant student to a keen student. As my interest in music gradually grew, MOS mama started giving me personal tuintions. He invited me to his home every morning for extra lessons. I became a part of his family and his home became like second home to me. I enjoyed chatting to his family for hours after my lesson. As I grew as a singer he took me on stage to perform alongside him. I became a regular performer in his troupe and started accompanying him on interstate tours! He gave me three things that I treasure most in my life – my love for music, the best days of life and my friend Usha! Those interstate trips with him and his entourage which included Usha, Y G Sundar mama and some of the most fun people I’ve ever met have to go down in my book of special memories as the best ever days of my life!

Now, what makes MOS mama so special is his passion for music. Every time the topic of his fees came up he would say – ‘when you grow up and start earning money, send me donations of Rs.1000. For now just learn from me’. He refused to take any money for teaching us. He printed books at his own expense and gave it to all of us; he paid for our interstate trips and treated us like his own grand daughters. In an era where making money is the sole focus of many people’s lives, he shrugged off money and his reputation as a cricketer to pursue a dream, a dream which involved imparting the treasure of music to anyone who cared to learn! He was special and I am truly privileged to have known him.

MOS mama, I think of you everyday as I sing the songs you taught me. You aren’t with us in person anymore but the times I spent with you are in my memory for life. I am sorry I spent all my time arguing with you on just about anything rather than telling you how special you really were to me. Wherever you are now, please know that I adore you and to this day, you are the best teacher I’ve ever had. I miss you, wish I could go to your house in Thiruvanmiyur, see your happy handsome face and fight with you again.

Language and literature seem to be the worst hit casualties in the wave of globalisation. I am not just saying it – I believe it to be true. Guys, you can contradict or argue with me. That’s really what I want to see, healthy exchange of thought and eventually growth and evolution of thought.

In India, it has become very important to be educated and educated equates to ‘being proficient in English’. With the growth of call centres and our ongoing attempts to sound more ‘American’, ‘British’ or ‘Australian’ in an attempt to ‘serve’ customers better (and grow), we are losing touch with numerous languages – all with beautiful poetry and literature. I am not for a minute suggesting that we stop growing, stop making an impact on the global scene or that we become insular. What I am suggesting is that people take time out of their lives to stay in touch with their mother tongues at the very least. This I believe is not happening in a lot of cases. It has almost become fashionable to say ‘I can’t read or write Tamil’! I read in a blog recently that a journalist, a product of a posh private school in Chennai asked who Subramania Bharati was. Naturally, it breaks my heart. To me Bharati is a legend, a literary giant – someone we should all be celebrating but in current day Tamil Nadu, he is unimportant largely except in sparsely populated literary circles in obscure parts of town. Why?

He was a visionary, a pioneer of modern thought, everything that is relevant today he wrote about 100 years ago – he wrote about secularism, racial tolerance, eradication of the caste system and empowerment of women, topics that are so in vogue today but considered almost blasphemous in his day. He must have felt so isolated in his life because he would have been so different to the norm. I suspect his Nallador Veenai Seide is his inner grief conveyed in the form of poetry.

Nallador Veenai Seide Adai Nalam Keda Puzhudiyil Erivadundo

Solladi Sivashakthi Ennai Sudar migu arivudan padaithu vittaai

Vallamai taarayo inda maanilam payanura vazhvadarkke

Solladi Sivashakthi nila sumai ena vazhndida puriguvaiyo

Having crafted a beautiful Veena – is it fair the To let it perish in dust?

Oh Shivashakthi, you’ve blessed me with Intellect as bright as a beacon

Will you give me strength to Make myself useful to the world or

Will you condemn me To become a burden upon this land?

Most of his poems reflect his deepest emotions. He was a passionate man! In his day they didn’t give him the credit he was due because he was way ahead of his time! Today are we so apathetic that we don’t even spare some time to read his work. I thought it would be good to start reproducing his work here – all of us have read his poems but the way we react to a poem in student days is very different to the way we react later in life. I am hoping that we really read and take time to think about it this time. If ten people read this and enjoy it the way I have, I’ll feel happy about spreading the joy!

Bharati on Empowerment of Women

While he has written many songs on liberation of women this is very special to me!

Pennukku gnanathai vaithan – Puvi Peni valarthidum eesan

Mannukkulle sila moodar – nalla Maadar arivai keduthar

A woman was given high intellect by The God who created this world But some fools in this world Ruined the development of intellect in women.

Kangal irandinil ondrai – kuthi Kaatchi keduthidalamo?

Pengal arivai valarthal – vaiyyam Pedamaiyatridum kaaneer

By blinding one eye Will you not ruin perfect vision?

By encouraging a woman’s intellect Will the world not be a better place?

Bharati On Unity irrespective of Religion

Teeyinai kumbidum paarpar – nitham Dikkai vanangum turukkar Koyir siluvaiyin munne – nindru Kumbidum yesu madathar

Yaarum panindidum deivam – porul Yavinum nindridum deivam Paarukkulle deivam ondru – idir Par pala sandaigal vendam

Hindus who worship fire Muslims who worship facing the direction Christians who worship the Cross The Gods that all they worship And the philosophy that they believe in says There is but one God – so Don’t fight over religion!

Bharati On Discrimination based on Colour

Vellai nirathoru poonai – engal Veettil valarudu kandeer

Pillaigal petradu poonai – avai Perukku oru niramagum

Saambal niram oru kutti – karun Chaandu niram oru kutti

Paambu niram oru kutti – vellai

Paalin niram our kutti

Enda niram irundalum – avai Yaavum ore taram andro

Inda niram siridendrum – idu Etram endru sollalamo?

There was a white cat in my house It gave birth to kittens each a different colour They were all different shades of white brown and grey Irrespective of what colour they are aren’t they all the same kind Is it fair to say one colour is superior to the other?

Pure genius!  Wish he were alive today ….

Situation Analysis

 Number of computers – 3

One computer is the property of the man of the house and the second computer is a hand me down used by the youngest in the house.

That leaves 1 computer for 3 people in the house. One teenager, a computer literate 71 year old and me.

Our typical routines:

Me: 6am to 6.30am

Ani: 6.30am to whenever he leaves to uni

Amma: Any time that we are not online

Me: 6.15pm to 6.30pm

Ani: Until 10.30pm or later

Problem

When I walk to the computer every morning, the mouse is dead! The last user always forgets to charge the mouse. I must say I get very cranky!! I should be used to it but I am not! After repeated requests and orders, I decided it was time to act. Yesterday morning, in absolute frustration I hid the mouse so that the rest of them could suffer for one day – I know … very mature thinking but I was CRANKY. The only mistake I made – I told my lovely better half what I’d done.

10 minutes later I was in the shower.

Ani: Appa, I can’t find the mouse.

Appa: Ani amma has hidden it in the cupboard in the last draw because you forgot to charge it yesterday.   She told me not to tell you!!#$!#$#@%$@#@%

Ani: Ok and he takes it and uses it. Today morning, it is still out of charge!

Arrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh … please tell me I am not CHILDISH!!

Forgive (dictionary meanings):

1.  To grant pardon to (a person)
2. To cease to feel resentment against (to forgive one’s enemies)
3. To give up all claim on account of (a debt, obligation, etc.)
4. To grant pardon for or remission of (an offence, debt, etc.) absolve

 The subject matter of this blog focuses on definitions 1 & 2.

 I find myself thinking – is it even remotely possible to gain enough wisdom in our lifetime to achieve the state mentioned in 1 & 2.  How enlightened must a person be to actually achieve this??  I wonder if philosophers and architects of ‘social thought’ could ever have elevated themselves to the level of moral high ground that they prescribed!

 There are so many quotes on the virtue of ‘forgiving’.

 The New Testament: “If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also”.

 Now they are probably playing on reverse psychology here!  If someone slaps you, the natural reaction is to slap back but by showing the other cheek; you are likely to shock the person who slapped (colloquially the slapper!).  In the days that the testament was written, the thought process might have been that the slapper would show enough remorse and repent his act.  In this day and age where everything is about self gratification and self preservation, I doubt if anyone would feel the slightest amount of guilt or remorse!

 Subramanya Bharati, my favourite poet who I believe is a ‘poet of a lifetime’ says:

 Pagaivanukku Arulvaai Nan Nenje Pagaivanukku Arulvaai

(Oh Good Heart … Forgive your Enemy)

Pugai Naduvinil Thee iruppadai Bhoomiyil Kandome

(We’ve found that there is fire in the midst of all the smoke)

Pagai Naduvil Anburuvaana nam Paraman Vaazhgindran

(There must be some godliness in the enemy camp)

(So …. Forgive your Enemy)

 Pretty lofty morals for mere mortals like us! I wonder if he truly believed in what he wrote and that what he wrote was really achievable! 

 Mr Thiruvalluvar took idealism to the next level with the following couplets:

 “Agazhvaarai Taangum Nilam Pola Tannai Igazhvaarai Poruthal Thalai”

 (As Mother Earth bears up with diggers To bear revilers is a prime virtue)

 How true!  Mother Earth rewards all the injustice we pile upon her by giving us everything we need for sustenance and being so bountiful.  To even suggest we emulate Mother Earth is the heights of idealism, isn’t it?

“Poruthal Irappinai Endrum Adanai Marathal Adaninum Nandru”

 (Forgiving insults is a great virtue But greater is to forget it)

 “Oruthaarkku Oru Naalai Inbam Poruthaarkku Pondrum Tunaiyum Pugazh”

 (Revenge gives joy just for one day while Patience carries its praise for ages)

 Now, I am not trying to be disrespectful, but I am beginning to suspect that Mr Valluvar lived in a very lonely world if he surrounded himself with people who subscribed to his philosophy!  He would have been elevated to the status of Godliness if he truly personified his philosophy.  We do need high goals to aspire to is this practical? 

 At the risk of admitting to my inadequacies, I have not reached the level of magnanimity that is being recommended by these GREAT men.  I honestly do a lot of self introspection and try to improve myself and make myself a better person but I have to confess unabashedly that I have a while to go before (or might never ever) I achieve the state of mind that these enlightened souls have encouraged.  I try to forgive and block out resentment but it still surfaces with vengeance : )  Maybe I am a ‘lesser’ human being and have a lot of growing up to do – and so does the rest of the world!!!

It’s that time of the year again when the excitement begins to build in anticipation for golu. Planning is at a feverish pitch now! The steps have been set up; the dolls have come out of the basement to grace our living area and are waiting to be put on display tomorrow. Pooja plans have been completed, invitee lists have been prepared, invites have been sent out, the menu has been planned, gifts have been packed and what’s left is the most exciting task of all – select my saris and accessories! I look forward to this season every year without fail. What is it about this festival that excites me?

• It celebrates women – probably one of the few festivals in any culture that celebrates women and this has been in existence from hundreds of years ago.

• The festival goes on for 10 full days – so ten full days of excitement and partying!

• You visit people you haven’t visited in a year (since the last golu that is)!

• You eat eat eat (which these days is not such a great thing). I used to eat without a care but with my growing girth, I’ve had to cut down on my over indulgence!!

• DRESS up!! This is when I have a legitimate reason to dress up. While you celebrate goddesses, you can’t look bad!! I know I am pathetic but little things like this excite me.

Memories of golu during childhood years are still fresh in my memory. I am not sure if any child today would be excited about dressing up as Gods and Goddesses and walking on the streets in that costume to visit golu’s in other houses but that’s what excited me most! We were special because we could dress up as Gods!! We probably looked ridiculous but no one ever said anything : )

I have to confess that while I enjoy the excitement of this festival, I absolutely HATE packing the dolls away after their hour of glory and pulling things apart when it’s over! Why do all good things have to come to an end??

This year however has been just so hectic and busy that I think I will look forward to the time after Diwali … put my tired feet up, go to the beach, read and be happy and rested until I go away to India in the end of the year!

Its a ridiculous song … but it makes me smile!!   Maybe I am in the wrong profession .. I can write deep and meaningful songs like this too : ) 

Hey excuse me mr kandhasamy
oru coffee kudipom come with me
hott ah cold ah neeye thottu paaruuuuuuu
Podi podi.
Hey excuse me ms subulakshmi
ur activites are thappu lakshmi
un pechum thottam romba kuppa lakshmiiii….
Poda poda
u r my love ..
u r my love ..
hey kandhasamy yen lifela puyala vandha samy
yen azhaga paathu manusla nondha samu che vendha samy
un azhagunaala illa un imisaiyala nondha samy
un kaiyila sikka maatan indha samy
kadavul illannu sonna ramasamy
kadhal illannu solran kandhasamy
Nopa nopa nopa sonnaar valluvar grandpa
oodal thaandi koodachonnar kadaisi kuralil sharpa
vena vena vena ne naamam poda venam
un kooda vandha sanda pota vazhkai pogum veenah
Hitler pethiye hitler pethiye kadhal onnum yudhay illa kolladhey
Linkan Perane linkan perane thathuvangal pesy pesy kolladhey
kasmir naan ne pakisthan theraadhu disyum dhaan
Podi poda podi poda podi poda podipoda podi poda
Yei yenna romba overa panra
onnum panna vidamatriye
Nee padicha ponnu dhaana
unna padika mudiyalaye
Heyei th thalli po
Yenna thallitu po
Konjam moodu
romba mooooooooodu ..
aayyoooooooooooooooo
Vena vena vena wastu panna vena
ippo vitta thappeni pinnal aluva thaana
Podi podi podi foola pona lady
Girls nambi loosa pona boys pala kodi .
Hey uppu mootayei uppu mootayei lifelonga unna thooki sumapenda
Hey ducku muttayei ducku muttayei vaathu muttai kooda unna sethukadhu
pesaadhey nee crack madhi plz vaayen track maariiii.
Podi poda podi poda podi poda podipoda podi poda
Hey excuse me mr kandhasamy
oru coffee kudipom come with me
hott ah cold ah neeye thottu paaruuuuuuu
Podi podi.
Hey excuse me ms subulakshmi
ur activites are thapu lakshmi
un lippum hippum romba sappa lakshmiiii…. (what the????)
Poda poda

‘Feminism’ is a word that resonates with any woman today.  We’ve seen the concept of feminism arise, evolve and grow over the last couple of centuries.  The dream is for a world that is equal in every way – equality irrespective of race, gender, religion, age, sexual preference and the list goes on.  If this dream does come totally true, we’d be living in a perfect world wouldn’t we?  Alright let’s talk specifically about feminism and equal rights for women – although the world is changing and things are better than they ever were, we are still not equal.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining at all.  Change doesn’t happen instantaneously and we all have a role to play in this evolution.  To quote Gandhi – “We must become the change we want to see.”  Each and every one of us has a part to play in making this change possible.  Again, please don’t get me wrong – I am not a huge fan of all the ridiculous activities that feminists indulge in, in the name of ‘Feminism’ and no, equality is not just about using the concept of feminism to delegate household chores to the other half either.  This in my view, is unbelievably short sighted and silly.  Feminism to me is much more than that – true equality is about getting the respect we deserve and getting equal rights in EVERY way – starting from the right to education, the right to freedom of speech, decision and action.

 Every culture and civilisation has been guilty of treating women unfairly.  India, as with everything else, is a paradox in this respect!  We are taught to respect women as mothers.  We pray to ‘goddesses’ but we also have inhuman practices like Sati (where a woman is forcibly pushed into her husband’s funeral pyre to burn alive) and female infanticide.  The western world is not that much better.  Women were neither allowed to vote nor have a say in matters of importance until recently.  United States of America, supposedly the beacon of the civilised world is yet to see a woman president.  Ironically, it is the so called under developed nations that voted a woman prime minister before the developed countries!  Sirimavo Bandaranaike and Indira Gandhi tasted power and served their countries long before Mrs Thatcher.

 So how do we bridge this gap of inequality?  The power is within each one of us.  We have two choices available to us – to accept our lot in life or to rise above everything and make things better for us and the generations after us.  Roy abolished child marriage and encouraged widow remarriage, Bharati was an advocate of education and equal rights for women but thats not enough.    We’ve come a long way but we still have a way to go before we can claim complete equality.  For true equality to be achieved we need to take ownership in whatever miniscule way we can.

 Well, yes, there is a purpose to this long winded tirade of words.  Last night I witnessed a small act which gave me a huge amount of confidence for the future.  I know that conservative purists may disagree with me but I do believe the future is bright.  For those of you who don’t know Hindu law is largely governed by rules that were written by thousands of years ago by Manu the supposed architect of Hindu Law.  To say these rules are full of double standards would be an understatement.  I won’t go into the detail here – I’ll save it for another blog!!  However, it would suffice to say in this context that Hindu scripture stipulates that only a son can perform the last rites of his parents.  In families with no sons, it is usually the grandson or the son in law who takes on the task. 

 My parents have no sons, just three daughters.  My father, bless his soul, has always treasured and cherished us much more than he would have cherished any son.  Within the constraints of the old fashioned value systems that he grew up in, he always gave us freedom that he believed was necessary.  He is turning 70 next year and thoughts of his passing must be crossing his mind.  He said to me last night out of the blue – ‘why is it that only sons can light the funeral pyre?  That should change – daughters should be allowed to do it.’  In his words I see hope and light and I thank God from the bottom of my heart for giving me a parent who is potentially a catalyst for change!

Ageing is the cruelest reality and dealing with it is HARD!! Some people seem to accept it as inevitable and age gracefully and then there are people who are in constant denial – LIKE ME!! People’s attitudes to ageing vary vastly .………..

I know people who think they’ve lived life at 30 – they believe they’ve seen it all and are too grown up now to hear the inner child in them.

I know people who find religion (not spirituality) when they find there is not much in their life to fill up their day. Religion becomes the ultimate reality and they block out all fun and frivolity from their life. Who ever said religion and good times are mutually exclusive??!!

Then there are people who want to become spiritual and become detached but are too attached to detach – am I making sense??

Then there are old ladies who dress to kill … they put rollers in their hair, wear matching accessory and blush hopelessly when a dapper looking old man as much as greets them on the bus. Despite the ageing bones, skin and ageing everything really, the child in them is very much alive and they still enjoy life!

And these attitudes manifest themselves in the attire and demeanour. Some people are perfectly happy to accept greying hair and wrinkling skin.  They are very comfortable with this and just let it be. Can I say that I admire these people immensely and from the bottom of my heart!

And there are the likes of me … I am in constant denial of my age. I refuse to grow up and still act the way I did when I was in school. Despite reading on deep and pensive topics and being mature at a lot of levels, there is a little girl in me who refuses to grow up. When my friends say – ‘there is a Bhangra and Garba programme and they quickly add I know we are too old for this but the kids may be interested.’, it annoys me no end. I think to myself – ‘grrrrrrr, speak for yourselves people. I am not too old for to dance’!!

Then there is the attire and the external demeanour. I was born a gypsy I think. Rather than wear traditional, expensive gold and diamond jewellery, I have always preferred the cheap dime a dozen sort of jewellery that is available in abundance at any bazaar (you know the ‘raste ka maal sasthe mey’  kind)!! Now that I am ‘not so young’ (I hasten to add that that’s not my view. I live in constant denial. In my head, I am 21 for life and no one can change that – back off, don’t even try!!) – I have serious dilemmas in my head. Do I give up gypsy attire and become more grown up?? I even try and dress elegant and mature but then two days later the gypsy comes back!! I am pretty sure I’ll look like a misfit in my 60’s wearing tribal African earrings and hippy clothes. I will be an anachronism and a total MISFIT but is that so bad??

My aunt who I won’t name here, is my hero!! She is such a breath of fresh air. Despite all odds, she has retained her freshness, innocence and the inner child. She is my inspiration! I wish I could be like her always. What makes her so special … she was affected at a rather young age with an illness which kills her lifestyle. She cannot eat more than spoonfuls which means her body is not strong enough to do all the things that she would have no doubt done had she not been sick but she does not let any of this bother her. She wakes up, goes about her routine which includes prayer, lunch and a generous dose of midday soap and movies. She is so into her entertainment that she calls the stars of these shows to talk to them and give them her review. Of course, her amazing husband is one of the main reasons that she continues to be so positive and spread joy in people’s lives. I admire both of them!! Her latest comment on Facebook – I watched Teri Meherabanian and all dog lovers will love the movie because the dog is the hero and star of the show!!  : )

This world is just so complex.  Nothing is ever straightforward!  There are always several layers of ambiguity.  What appears right in some instances is not right in other instances.  The act may be the same but the verdict is different.  This double standard drives me MAD!  Lets take a simple example – killing.  Killing is always wrong – is that not right?  Apparently not –  killing is not always wrong.  Killing can be right at times?  Let’s consider the following instances:

• Killing for personal gain
• Killing to relieve one of pain/suffering (euthanasia)
• Killing to protect himself/herself from attack
• Killing enemies to protect the country
• Killing criminals (what defines criminals) to protect law
• Killing someone causing harm another human being (rapist, child molester)

 The act is the same but the verdict is different.  A woman who kills to protect herself is persecuted under law and the verdict depends entirely on the arguments of her lawyer, a man who kills a rapist is arrested and possibly suffers capital punishment, euthanasia is an offence under any legal system but a cop or a soldier who kills is glorified for the very act.  How does this work? 

 Alright I say – I am not talking about the legal view here.  I am talking more about the moral view.  In the eyes of God, when we are judged for our deeds, is killing considered right or wrong?  The soldier is human at the end of the day.  Would he not suffer guilt ever at taking a life?  Would he not go fear the ramifications in the eyes of God?  Does religion provide an answer?  No … again it is completely vague.  What is right for one is not right for the other.  What do different faiths say about this?

 Hinduism – Each caste has a different set of rights or wrongs.  It is ok for a kshatriya to kill to protect his country and his subjects.  This includes killing innocent people in the name of expanding his kingdom … but it is not ok for any other caste to kill!!

 Islam – it is ok to kill to propagate religion and establish faith!!

 Christianity – well no matter what you do, if you are truly apologetic, all is forgiven but there is no clear view on killing (unless I am ignorant and don’t know)

 Why can there not be a simple clear cut right or wrong answer to everything?  It’s not a tough question to ask, is it?  Or am I too naïve??  If there were simple solutions to everything, wouldn’t life be so much easier?

When you think of people living in war torn countries where people live amidst terrorism and suicide bombings, you often wonder how they can lead a normal life in such abnormal situations.  Hard as it is to believe, when abnormal is the norm, we learn to adapt.  Resilience and survival are innate human instincts – we never know just how resilient until we are faced with a life changing event.  We recently lived through a situation in which we ‘sensed’ and ‘saw’ death.

 After an exhausting tour of Delhi, Agra and Jaipur, we arrived at Mumbai on 25 November 2008.  The intention was to spend two days in Mumbai visiting family and friends before travelling to Goa for much needed R & R.  On 26^th evening we went to visit a cousin in Colaba and stopped outside Leopolds Café to pick up my cousin’s wife.  We picked her up at 6.30pm and came back to our friend’s home on Marine Drive.

 We ate dinner while watching the one day cricket match between India and England.  India won the match and we heard some noise outside.  We assumed it was people celebrating the victory.  We realised we were wrong when we got a phone call asking if we were safe and asking us to stay indoors because there were terrorist attacks in the area.  Terrorists had stormed into the Leopold’s Café and shot at people randomly.  That was enough to shock us – we’d been there less than an hour ago.  As we turned the TV on to find out what was happening we heard a loud explosion.  The terrorists had opened fire at the Trident Oberoi Hotel which was right next door to us.  We heard and felt the impact of these explosions.  There were 3 families in the house – my friend and her two children aged 8 and 4, my cousin, his wife and son aged 12 and my family – my husband and my kids aged 18 and 14.  We were all shaken.  The kids were petrified and disconsolate. 

 Within half an hour the whole area was under siege.  Army, Police and NPS forces came to the spot to counter the terrorists.  Explosions rocked the area continuously and we were trapped indoors.  We were warned not even to look out of our windows for fear of being shot at.  It was a very trying time for all of us.  We’d forgetten about R&R at Goa, all we wanted to do was get out of there but we couldn’t even walk out of the flat.  Our only source of entertainment was the television and there was nothing on TV except updates on the terrorist attacks.  These updates upset the kids so much that we had to stop watching TV.  This went on for 3 days.  We ran out of food but couldn’t go out to restock supplies.  It was anything but normal circumstances and would have been enough to depress anyone.  However, as we discovered, we were tough and resilient – much more so than we gave ourselves credit for.  The first night, we are all scared and shaken, but after day one, we looked for ways in which to restore normalcy.  We did normal things, got on the computer and started giving regular updates to the rest of the world, played cards and board games, watched DVD’s and generally learnt to block out what was happening outside.  If the terrorists had decided to shoot into our window, we would have been dead but it as almost as if we were blasé and matter of fact about it.  We just learnt to live by the minute without worrying too much about what would happen to us.  Each of us dealt with this situation in our own way but we all coped remarkably.

 After four days of being under house arrest, when we could eventually get out of our building and walk on the road we learnt to appreciate the value of freedom.  We take so many things for granted!  We don’t realise how privileged we are to walk, speak and live freely.  It takes an event like this to show how lucky we really are!!  I am glad that we lived through this experience.  It’s not one that many can claim to have lived through and I am truly thankful that I am alive and well enough to recount this tale.