A person shapes their own destiny
A person’s destiny is pre-ordained by the powers above
Duality is an interesting concept. There are always two sides to a coin, two lines of thought, two sides to a story, two philosophies …..
I take my life as a case study to try and figure out which of these statements is true.
My life 25 years ago ……
I grow up in Chennai, the oldest of three daughters in a fairly conservative family. My parents have some views on my life:
- A woman has no need for a career as such but she has to be self-sufficient. So she needs skills that allow her to make money from home – like teaching, sewing, music. So I am groomed to be a perfect house wife but given these other skills!
- I will never give my daughter in marriage to an only child because I want my daughter to have a family to support her.
- I will never give my daughter in marriage to someone who lives overseas. I want her to live within 15 kms radius of my home so I can see her whenever I want to.
23 years ago
I am engaged to be married. My fiancé has one condition for me:
- My mum was a working woman and I never got the benefits of a full time mum. I want a wife who will look after me and my children and never want to pursue a career.
Fast Forward to Life Now 25 years on!!
- I am a career woman even though every bone in my body rebels against the thought. I’d like to be a housewife but no matter how hard I try, I just cannot shake off my career. Believe me, I’ve tried! No matter how hard I try to take a break, I find that I get great jobs that I just cannot say no to!!
- I am married to an only child … and my dad loves his son-in-law despite him being an only child!!
- I live in a different country to my parents which I am sure my parents regret but no one had any control over this either.
- My then fiancé (my current husband) who abhorred the idea of a working wife now wants me to grow in my career so he can retire early!!
- My music which was mainly supposed to be means to an end in case things went wrong has grown to be more than that – I get offers to perform even though I’ve done NOTHING to promote myself.
- I get recognition without ever trying – recognition that many people would kill for!!
I am making it sound like a dream run right?? We did have a dreadful start to our lives but overall it has been a dream run, a success story.
I’d like to think that this was all possible due to my hard work, perseverance and my clearly defined goals but if truth be told, I’ve drifted along, let myself be an ‘object’ and let the powers run my life. And things have turned out alright. If it is not luck, what is it? The only thing I have done to facilitate this process is – I’ve been totally passionate about everything I’ve ever done in my life without looking for rewards. And this I can say with a very clear conscience, hand on heart! 🙂