Its official! I am anything but normal. I am surrounded by mad people ..
A dad who nods at random strangers and says ‘hello’ just to confuse them and kills himself laughing at their reaction
A sister who giggles uncontrollably when anyone falls
Another sister who trips over things (like dogs!!), falls constantly and blames innocent passing creatures for her accidents
A husband who draws a moustache on an unsuspecting girl when she sleeps and kills himself laughing when she wakes up and walks around with a pencil moustache on her face
Kids who have their own vocabulary of swear words – ‘billa ba’, ‘dappi kaka lalala’, ‘prangaali’
A son who:
- Is fascinated with fire to the extent of burning his own arm hair by accident and screaming in pain
- Throws a t-shirt over his head, walks over to people when they least expect it and say ‘kabubu’ (God knows what that means!) and kills himself laughing at their reaction
- Who chucks wet tissue on the ceiling to see if it sticks! ://///
A daughter who:
- Apologises to a woman who is hurling abuse at her and asks – ‘excuse me, but I don’t understand. What are you saying?’ making the woman 20 times angrier.
- Says to me – ‘amma, you’re scary. Stop acting like a kid sitting in the corner eating glue’ … whatever that means!!
- Has an aspiration of settling down with 20 cats and being called ‘crazy cat woman’
A friend who dreams of running on the beaches in Rio with a white skirt and nothing else and be whiplashed in the process by her own bazukas ..
A friend who fakes bad pregnancy (for fun), pretends to be upset, hides under tables and giggles uncontrollably when people give her worried looks
A friend, who pretends to give food to his ten month old, waits until she opens her mouth and then puts it into his own mouth denying her the food. Point of the exercise – to test her intelligence and see how long it will take her to figure out that he is tricking her. He does this ten times – before the 10 month old wakes up to the fact and SLAPS him the 11th time and he tells this story with a goofy look on his face!
A friend who messages me at midnight with soccer scores after being out of touch with me for nearly 2 years. When I ask – ‘wouldn’t a hello have been better’ he responds with – ‘that wouldn’t have made me giggle .. I imagined the look on your face when you saw the score!’ Arrrghhhhhhhh!!!
A colleague who sends emails to everyone in the office saying – ‘Justin has brought biscuits for everyone. If you want biscuits, please walk over to his desk.’ And when people walk over to this poor soul asking for biscuits, Justin asks me – ‘what is wrong with everyone today .. why is everyone asking me for biscuits?’
A colleague who swaps the 1 and the 3 keys on the keypad of an analysts computer and giggles uncontrollably as the poor analyst tries to figure out why his ‘computer’ is doing silly things. After half a day of giggling uncontrollably, they tell him and he chases the tormentor around the office!!
A colleague who leaves this message for another colleague – “Louisa from Haymarket branch called for you. Please call her back.” and leaves the number of a brothel!! By the time the poor fellow figures out it was a trick, everyone else has killed ourselves laughing at the myriad of emotions on the poor man’s face especially as Louisa asked ‘is there a preference for the colour of the hair or ethnicity?’ when this guy thought he was calling a branch teller!!!
A friend who said ‘my aunt has a dog called Rocky but it won’t respond to our calls of ‘Rocky’. It just ignores us. It only responds to the way my aunt calls it in her typical Punjabi accent … ‘Rawwkeeeeeeee’!’
The good thing is I kill myself laughing nearly every day! The bad thing is my sanity has deteriorated over the years!