Do you ever get over the death of someone you have adored all your life? Does time really heal? Does this feeling of emptiness ever disappear? Do you ever stop missing them and thinking they will come back one day?
He loved his family totally and unconditionally. We were his world and the centre of his existence. He took us wherever he went and showed us off to all his friends. He was very proud of us. His pride had nothing to do with our achievements – he would have been just as proud if we were simpletons. He just loved us the way we were. The love he showed us was so real that even if the whole world had hated us, we would not have felt it because his love made up for it.
He personified the word simple. He was simple, his needs were simple and his life was simple. He didn’t believe in complicating his life with unnecessary needs and ambitions. He was a happy man. Despite the fact that life had not necessarily been very kind to him he never complained, he made the most of what he had. He had a smile that lit up the universe. The list of people who loved and adored him was endless.
He was content with what he had and spent his time doing things he loved most – time with family (or bragging about his family), watching sport, playing games on his phone, reading voraciously and philosophising. Old age, receding hairline, balding, missing teeth or frailty associated with age never bothered him – he took it all in his stride with a toothless grin.
But the thought of death petrified him because that would mean separation from everything he had held close to his heart all his life. He would say ‘I don’t want to die because that means being separated from all of you. If I die, I want to be reborn and I want all of you back in my life – exactly like in this life.’
He fell terminally ill. We did everything humanly possible to revive him and nurse him back to health. We showered him with love to try to match the love he had given us all our life. We were by his side every minute telling him how much we loved him and how much he meant to us. He listened with a blank look in his eyes. He wanted to carry on, to live on, to party on with those he loved the most but the disease was relentless. It got the better of him. With time, the smile was all but gone. He went quietly without a fight – to the world beyond.
The rest of us left behind wonder – how could he just give up everything he loved so much and go, just like that? Did he not ever feel the need to fight, to say to the damned illness ‘I am better than you?’
He went without a fight but we have to fight our grief and continue to live on. The emptiness, the pain, the grief are all very real. It is like an integral part of our being has been cruelly severed off forever. There are memories but is that enough to carry on?
They say time heals, but does time really heal? Do you ever stop wishing and hoping he will come back one day, flash that ‘oh so gorgeous’ smile, take you around everywhere with that look of pride on his face and say ‘I never want to die because I want to be with you forever’? Do you ever stop thinking ‘I would kill to hug him, kiss him and say appu I love you’? Do you ever get over the death of someone who is the love of your life?
My Ana's Worth 