Fear – why and what do we fear?

I am going through a life changing turning point and I am apprehensive. Despite my blasé, ‘whatever is meant to happen will happen’ attitude, I am afraid. I don’t seem to be the only one – regardless of whether they are self-imposed or driven by the ‘powers that be’, turning points in life always seem to be nerve wracking. We ponder upon the impact – will I survive? Will it bring positive change? Is this right for me? The list of questions is long.

If we believe in the law of nature, change is the only constant. Life in all its glory throws curve balls continuously and as we live through these, we change each day – physically, intellectually, emotionally and in many other ways. Change is really the only constant. Why then are we afraid of the change that each turning point brings?

If we do not believe in the law of destiny and believe we shape our destiny, shouldn’t we feel more in control of our future? Why is change unsettling?

If we believe that destiny is all pervasive and believe that our part in shaping our destiny is miniscule in the grand scheme of things, we should have resigned to the ultimate levelling nature of destiny but we are not. There is still a fear of change and the unknown.

Fear is a complex emotion. What do we fear? What triggers fear? I try to rationalise my fear. My life turning moment is a decision to retire early and find out my calling in life (or to find if a calling even exists!).
I’ve listed the some of the statements that have gone through my head space:

‘What if I struggle in the future as an impact of this decision?’
‘I remember how much I’ve suffered as a penniless new migrant. Do I want to suffer like that again?’
‘I love travel! Will I have to cut out on my travel because I won’t be able to afford it?’
‘Maybe I will now have to give up on little pleasures in life.’
‘What do I do? Will my brain rust? Am I better off working and leading a very boring existence?’

As I look at all of these, there is a common theme. The fear is based on three main factors – our experiences in the past, our relating the past occurrence and the impact of the past to the future and of course the fear of not being in control, not knowing how the future is going to unfold.

I correlate the impact of the past to the future without realising that dwelling in the past just perpetuates my fear. Fear that what happened in the past may recur keeps me from enjoying my present – the decision to quit and do something exciting and meaningful. Instead of being open to the impending new experiences, I fear that I may get hurt. I realise that until we let go of my past and go with the flow, I am never really going to live the moment. Realisation dawns that focusing on the present and living for the moment takes away fear.

I know that everything in life is transient. I don’t know if the best phase of my life is yet to come or has been and gone! But this introspection tells me that I have to cherish every moment, live in the moment because I really do not know if the future will be as exciting. I tell myself that life is very boring without its spectacular cycles. Embracing the uncertainty and living life every day like it is the best day ever, is the way to be. After all there is a choice! Easy to philosophise and hard to practice but what I’ve found is that if you look at your life from the outside like it is happening to someone else, helps. I choose to be alive and cherish every living moment. Yes this may be different tomorrow when I go through a low but the introspection and resolve do help!

The past has been and gone and the future is inevitable – I must focus on now and enjoy the moment!

Nirbhaya – the cry for justice

A young woman raped brutally in Delhi – an oft repeated headline. Another victim of bestiality, another faceless person vanishes off the face of earth but this time it is different. She hasn’t vanished without arousing the emotions of the nation and the world. Maybe it was the last straw on the camel’s back. And the knee jerk reaction of the mob is evident – there are protests raging the capital – pleas for justice, cries for execution and vociferous demands that the government must do something about this.

The public rage and outcry is very valid and justified. Rape is wrong – period. Under no circumstance can it be accepted or condoned. There is a need for action. However, I don’t really understand if people genuinely believe that government intervention can totally resolve this issue. Yes, with the right policy and the right set of messages, the government can help deter criminals but the issue is far more complex than that. There is a social side to the issue which people largely ignore. It is easy to execute the offenders but how is it going to resolve the issue? In fact it is easy, painless death!

I’ve heard men say – ‘legalise prostitution. This will minimise crime.’ That is the most outrageous suggestion! The message that comes across loud and clear is – ‘men will ALWAYS have kinks and can become inhuman to satisfy these kinks if need be. A woman is merely a body that facilitates the fulfilments of these kinks.’ The issue is not whether men are allowed to have kinks or not. The issue is more about finding a willing partner. If you can’t find a willing partner, it is not right to abuse a person. Are men so sexually repressed that they feel compelled to look for easy release? Are we so inhuman that there is no remorse or pain whatsoever? Is this why we hear so many reports of abuse within the family, especially child abuse? What kind of a sick human being can abuse a child to satisfy himself?

As a society, are have failed. Over centuries, we’ve perpetuated the view that women are possessions. Until they are married, they are the ‘responsibility’ of their parents, after they get married this baton passes to the husband and then to the son. How often have we heard statements like these ..

‘Never go out after dark and if you do make sure you have a male with you to protect you at all times.’
‘Girls from good families don’t roam around town during nights.’
‘Never wear anything provocative. You know that’s asking for trouble.’
‘Women should never earn too much. If they become independent, they become arrogant and are unfit for marriage.’
‘If a man strays he is a stud but if a woman strays she is labelled a slut. Be very careful. Your reputation is the most important thing.’
‘A successful woman is one who keeps her husband happy and content in every way.’

Would anyone think of saying these things to males? Aren’t these just ridiculous? If a gang of guys decide to attack you at night, they will attack you regardless of whether you have a male accompanying you or not. They might beat the poor accompanying male to pulp before attacking the girl. If girls do go out at night or dress provocatively, are we as a society so morally bereft that we see her as easy prey and force ourselves upon her?

In the same culture that idolises females as Shakti, there is a Sanskrit sloka in Niti Shastra that sums up the six virtues of an ideal wife:
Karyeshu Dasi – as hardworking as a servant
Karaneshu Mantri – as fantastic an administrator and advisor as a minister (Brilliant)
Bhojeshu Mata – as caring and nurturing as a mother
Shayaneshu Ramba – as wanton and adventurous in bed as the heavenly nymph Rambha
Roopeshu Lakshmi – as beautiful as Goddess Lakshmi
Kshmayeshu Dharitri – as patient and forgiving as mother Earth.
Shat Dharma Yuktah Kula Dharma Patni – And one who possesses these six virtues is the ideal wife.

Is there a set of virtues that sums up an ideal husband? The whole society has been crafted with rules that reek of double standard. Females start their lives on the back foot. Is there not a fundamental problem with the social tapestry?

When a girl is raped, we are scared of the reputation of the girl who has been brutally raped, not her emotions. We don’t report the crime for fear of being judged and labelled. ‘What if I can’t get my daughter married? I don’t want it to affect her life.’ Don’t they realise that her life has already been affected. Physically and emotionally, she will never be the same person ever again.

The government on its part can bring about change but this will only address part of the problem. To bring about total social reform, we all have a part to play in changing the mindset. For starters, women have to start believing that they are equal to men and build future generations that believe this too.

Where civility is a luxury – welcome to hospital emergency

There is chaos and panic everywhere – frail and deaf old ladies with blank looks on their faces, bleeding people on stretchers, screaming babies, handcuffed prisoners with bleeding arms after their little scuffles in prison with sardonic looks on their faces, sick people demanding attention and being served by unconcerned and apathetic clerks at the counter with a look of ‘suit yourself, it’s my way or the highway darling!’

I walk to a clerk: Me: Hi, my mum is very unwell. I…

Her: Can I cut you short there? You need to talk to the other clerk over there I walk over to the ‘other clerk’:

Me: Hi, my mum is very unwell

Her: Do you have her Medicare card?

Me: The doctor asked to admit ..

Her: Can you tell me your current address

Me: (after confirming address) The doctor …

Her (cutting me short): Sorry, but can you give the medical details to the medical clerk

Me: where is the medical clerk

Her: Wait for your name to be called

My name is called by medical nurse:

Her: What brings you here today?

Me: Mum’s unwell ..

Her: I don’t want to talk to you. I would like to talk to the patient

Me: But she is unwell and not able to talk

Her: Where is the doctors referral? When did the incident occur?

Me: Today

Her (with raised eyebrows): Yeah, it has been a long day. Which part of the day did the incident occur? 9am, 10am, 11am

Me (trying to keep my temper in check): 11am

Her: I don’t know why you would come without a referral

Me: It was an EMERGENCY! We didn’t have time to go to a doctor to wait for the referral

Her: Alright, ask the patient to come in

Patient goes in:

Her: What brings you here today?

Patient: I am not feeling well.

Her: I know, but what’s wrong with you?

Me: Thats what we are here to find out.  Maybe if you let her speak without interrupting her in mid sentences, maybe you will find out.

Anyway, this went on for a while longer. At the end of her investigation, her report to the doctor –’ high BP, high Sugar and the patient is from an Indian background’.

Me (think to myself): #$#$@#$@#@#$$%#$@@#$@#$@#$@#@#@#$@#$%# They pay you to be obnoxious, arrogant and then state the bleeding obvious?

Her: Please wait until your name is called.

Me: Do you have any idea how long it will be?

Her: Please wait until your name is called.

Me: Sigh!

(Three hours later in the waiting room) A frail old lady who was sitting next to me calls out to me and says – ‘darling I am cold. Can you please get me a rug?’

I get her a rug and wrap it around her.  She says – ‘they said they’d call my name. It has been 4 hours but they haven’t called me. Do you think they may have called me but I didn’t hear. Would you please be able to ask them if they’ve called my name.’

As I walk to the counter, I hear the plastic voice – ‘wait until you are called ..’

Welcome to public hospital emergency. Apparently it doesn’t matter which part of the world you are in. Public hospital emergency is synonymous to nightmarish experience. Forget about pleasantness, even civil behaviour is a luxury. Are they trained upfront to be cold, plastic, rude, nasty, obnoxious, all of the above.

Makes me wish I had a remote control which will allow me to determine to vanish past my ‘use by’ date. I don’t ever want to go through this indignity again!!

En pettai la naan pistha …

The Indian cricket team has had a dismal tour of Australia.  After being totally demolished in the test series, they’ve done marginally better in the limited over games but not emphatic enough to make an entry into the finals without having to rely on other teams performing badly.  The fans hurled abuse on the team, called for heads to roll and hung their heads in shame!  Then miraculously India won one game against Srilanka – a win huge enough to get them bonus points.  With this win all the wrongs have been set right.  The woes of the entire season are forgotten with this ‘spectacular’ victory!! 

The poor performance of the team during the season will be forgotten with this one win like it happened with the English tour earlier.  They got walloped and came back miserable – a far cry from the ‘number one test team’.  Then the English cricket team toured India and got beaten.  Everything was forgotten.  They were heroes again!   The lions roared in our backyard.  

Send them across the seas and the roaring lions turn into hapless kittens.  I hear in response, ‘but it is only a game’!  If it is only a game, maybe they shouldn’t be paid the ridiculous amounts of money they get paid. 

When are the powers and the lords of cricket in India going to wake up and take a long term strategic approach and set right this pathetic state of affairs instead of making ridiculous quotes like these.

“England won 5-0 in England. They came here within a month or two and they lost 5-0. Last time, after our loss to England, I had said that we will beat them when they visit India,”

“It is a case of Australians played better in their home conditions,” he added.

 “Next New Zealand is coming to India and it will be followed by England and Australia. We will beat these three teams on our own soil. They cannot beat us here and we will feel very happy”

We are happy to create backyard heroes.  Amen!

And again …. another holiday

The level of restlessness is now somewhere in between ‘not long to go’  to ‘why doesn’t the damn clock move’ ..

So many ‘experiences’ awaiting me and giving me the biggest sense of anticipation …

So many dates with friends – the biggest dilemma is ‘how do I fit it all without upsetting my folks!’

The sights, smells and noise that usually attack my senses the minute I reach are starting to haunt my every waking moment already …  I feel the colour and vibrancy already!

I can smell the neem tree, the aroma of spices in my neighbours freshly cooked meals  and the fresh smell of the ocean already …

I can already hear the loud honk of horns, the sound of traffic, loud music blaring in the background , the sound of midday soapies and the latest film hits playing loud in every house ….

I can already see huge gorgeous kids, beautiful ladies with long hair and jasmine strands in their hair, 4 people on a two wheeler, bill boards, processions, flowers, quaint markets, roadside food stalls and markets, footpath homes …

The swing in the balcony is already beckoning out me in my dreams and saying ‘come to me my darling.  I am waiting for you’  …

So many events to attend … so many people to meet .. so many places to see .. so many things to buy and in so little time!!  I say ‘Not fair that it has to be so short but thank you God for the simple pleasures in life’ …

 

This apple has fallen far from the tree!!

It is very unlike me to write a blog about my family or anything personal for that matter because I am a fiercely private person and hate bragging! This blog is an exception and I have been inspired to write this by my beautiful daughter – this child is beautiful inside out.

As a teenager, I was the biggest bludger on the face of earth. I was unfocused, had no goals worth mentioning and wasted day after day. If I did well, it was by pure fluke and if I didn’t I can’t say it bothered me much at all. Studying for an exam meant slogging two days before the exam to avoid being a disappointment to my parents and to salvage some personal dignity!!

I watch my daughter Shaz today and I have to say I am impressed, humbled, proud, all at the same time. Shaz is in her HSC, the most important year of her school life. She has assignments, tests, projects pretty much every day. Pressure is the norm. I watch this child effortlessly wade through stuff in an organised way. Never are assignments left to the last minute. She is always focused, ahead of time and determined. She asked me a couple of weeks ago, how much do you think I will score in my HSC and I said ‘in your 90’s probably’. Her response ‘amma I want to get at least 96%. Otherwise I will not be happy. I want to be that person in school that all my juniors look up to. I want my name to be announced in the assembly and I will work towards that.’ I look at her and cringe at the thought of what I used to be!! Of course, I haven’t told her that …

The child compartmentalises, multitasks and manages her life beautifully:

• She is blitzing through her tests and assignments! She is teachers’ pet and they all have only nice things to say about her,
• she is making an outfit for her costume day. She wants to dress like Pocahontas and is sewing her own costume. She has never learnt sewing formally but is making her own outfit through trial and error,
• she still pursues her hobbies. She had a performance last weekend (which I tried to talk her out of but she wouldn’t hear of it). Rehearsals were on every night. She had exams and assignments due throughout the rehearsal period and the week following. She took her books to rehearsals and whenever she was not dancing she was studying or doing her assignment. (BTW, she performed on Saturday and was amazing on stage!!),
• she makes time to help/counsel her friends when they show signs of stress .. she is the designated agony aunt,
• she still makes time to watch all her favourite TV shows and
• she makes time for her family. She always makes time for her brother and her mum. She comes in to my room and says – ‘I miss talking to you’, lies on my bed with me and talks to me!!!

None of those high school romances for her either. Her rationale – I am not old enough and I don’t want to be distracted. Maybe when I am in Uni but for now, friends are good enough for me!! And as if this is not enough she deactivates Facebook without any prompting when she feels it is distracting her!! Her only disgrace is her room – the room looks like it’s been hit by a storm ALWAYS. But that aside, she is PERFECT!!
The child is GOLD and what I did to deserve her – I don’t know! I want it to be known how proud I am of her. My message to her – Shaz, I wish I could have been like you. What you eventually will end up doing I don’t know, how well you will do in life, I have a fair idea – you’ll do the best you possibly can, but that you will be the best daughter, I have no doubts whatsoever!! I hope you never EVER change!!

Madness …..

Its official!  I am anything but normal.  I am surrounded by mad people ..

 A dad who nods at random strangers and says ‘hello’ just to confuse them and kills himself laughing at their reaction

A sister who giggles uncontrollably when anyone falls

Another sister who trips over things (like dogs!!), falls constantly and blames innocent passing creatures for her accidents

A husband who draws a moustache on an unsuspecting girl when she sleeps and kills himself laughing when she wakes up and walks around with a pencil moustache on her face

Kids who have their own vocabulary of swear words – ‘billa ba’, ‘dappi kaka lalala’, ‘prangaali’

A son who:

• Is fascinated with fire to the extent of burning his own arm hair by accident and screaming in pain
• Throws a t-shirt over his head, walks over to people when they least expect it and say ‘kabubu’ (God knows what that means!) and kills himself laughing at their reaction
• Who chucks wet tissue on the ceiling to see if it sticks! ://///

 A daughter who:

• Apologises to a woman who is hurling abuse at her and asks – ‘excuse me, but I don’t understand. What are you saying?’ making the woman 20 times angrier.
• Says to me – ‘amma, you’re scary. Stop acting like a kid sitting in the corner eating glue’ … whatever that means!!
• Has an aspiration of settling down with 20 cats and being called ‘crazy cat woman’

A friend who dreams of running on the beaches in Rio with a white skirt and nothing else and be whiplashed in the process by her own bazukas ..

A friend who fakes bad pregnancy (for fun), pretends to be upset, hides under tables and giggles uncontrollably when people give her worried looks

A friend, who pretends to give food to his ten month old, waits until she opens her mouth and then puts it into his own mouth denying her the food. Point of the exercise – to test her intelligence and see how long it will take her to figure out that he is tricking her. He does this ten times – before the 10 month old wakes up to the fact and SLAPS him the 11th time and he tells this story with a goofy look on his face!

A friend who messages me at midnight with soccer scores after being out of touch with me for nearly 2 years. When I ask – ‘wouldn’t a hello have been better’ he responds with – ‘that wouldn’t have made me giggle .. I imagined the look on your face when you saw the score!’ Arrrghhhhhhhh!!!

A colleague who sends emails to everyone in the office saying – ‘Justin has brought biscuits for everyone. If you want biscuits, please walk over to his desk.’ And when people walk over to this poor soul asking for biscuits, Justin asks me – ‘what is wrong with everyone today .. why is everyone asking me for biscuits?’

A colleague who swaps the 1 and the 3 keys on the keypad of an analysts computer and giggles uncontrollably as the poor analyst tries to figure out why his ‘computer’ is doing silly things. After half a day of giggling uncontrollably, they tell him and he chases the tormentor around the office!!

A colleague who leaves this message for another colleague – “Louisa from Haymarket branch called for you. Please call her back.” and leaves the number of a brothel!! By the time the poor fellow figures out it was a trick, everyone else has killed ourselves laughing at the myriad of emotions on the poor man’s face especially as Louisa asked ‘is there a preference for the colour of the hair or ethnicity?’ when this guy thought he was calling a branch teller!!!

A friend who said ‘my aunt has a dog called Rocky but it won’t respond to our calls of ‘Rocky’. It just ignores us. It only responds to the way my aunt calls it in her typical Punjabi accent … ‘Rawwkeeeeeeee’!’

 The good thing is I kill myself laughing nearly every day! The bad thing is my sanity has deteriorated over the years!

Retribution is a bitch!!

I am under a nasty spell …

• I am just not myself.  I am totally dull, listless, bored and out of sorts.
• I cannot inspire myself and I refuse to even try.  All I want to do is curl up into a little ball and sleep but I can’t … the brain is still ticking.
• I have a huge list of really good books to read but I just can’t be bothered.
• I have hundreds of DVD’s to watch but I can’t get myself to watch a thing.
• I think to myself – I think I should go out and pamper myself.  That will make me feel better but lethargy gets in the way and the body refuses to budge.
• There are hundreds of things waiting to be done but I procrastinate deliberately and persist with this trance … almost as if I enjoy feeling this way.

The spell that has been cast over me is total – I am bored, uninspired, lethargic and apathetic.  I walk around listlessly and refuse to do even the most routine things.

Around me, I hear people say:

• Whats wrong with her today?
• Its hormones!!
• Bloody PMS …
• She really must do something about this …
• Dude, don’t go close to her.  She’ll chew your brain …

Their comments evoke NO response.

I tell myself that it’s all in the mind and it is within my control to restore buoyancy.  I ignore the voice and say to the voice in response – ‘Shut your face Miss Know it All.  I don’t want to hear you.  If I want to mope, mope I WILL!!’

I mope around all day just existing.  Sleep comes as a welcome relief … I sleep like a log.

The next day dawns and brings with it freshness and energy.  I am myself again!

I reflect on the previous day – what was my problem?  Why was I the way I was?

At this point my brain responds rather candidly – “No hard feelings love, but you are a pain!  You have abused and tortured me systematically to the point that I’ve just HAD IT!  This  spell I cast on your periodically is my revenge!”

Is this what they mean when they say ‘Retribution is a bitch!!’?? 🙂 🙂 🙂

The art of FLIRTING!

FLIRTING – is an essential aspect of human interaction across all cultures and societies around the world. Social Issues Research Centre (SIRC) has carried out numerous studies on the subject. Quote SIRC – “According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilisation as we know it today. They argue that the large human brain – our superior intelligence, complex language, everything that distinguishes us from animals – is the equivalent of the peacock’s tail: a courtship device evolved to attract and retain sexual partners. Our achievements in everything from art to rocket science may be merely a side-effect of the essential ability to charm.”

We’ve established how important flirting is to civilisation and achievement! The current code of flirting is highly ambiguous and abstract – it is governed by a complex set of unwritten laws of etiquette. We generally obey these unofficial laws instinctively, without being specifically told so. HUGE risk!!  I really think we need to put some serious effort into putting together a set of laws for FLIRTING so we can be ethical in flirting! We’ve taken the spontaneity out of just about EVERYTHING – we are governed by codes or etiquette (either written or unwritten) that ‘social architect’s have created. Why exclude the fine art of flirting from this code?

Alright, now that we’ve justified the need to write a ‘Flirting – code of conduct’ here is what I believe the key topics should be. I’ve just written a couple of lines next to each to give an indication of how these topics could take shape. I request you guys to help me with this project – I really can’t do this on my own. I need help!!

 Definition

 “behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions: she began to tease him, flirting with other men in front of him”

 “to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.”

What are the acts that constitute flirting?

Gestures of the eye: making eye contact, batting eyelids, staring, winking

 Touching: touching and general tactile behaviour, playing footsies , touching the hair, arm, kissing (including flying kisses), cuddling

Using technology: suggestive texting, emails

Other: smiling suggestively, making excuses to meet, singing love songs/poetry, acting coy, giggly, flicking hair, talking husky, talking in whispers, pouty looks, licking lips …

The list is ENDLESS!! Although I am a keen anthropologist (not to mention a flirt of some merit myself!!), I need serious help in completing this list!!

Why do people flirt?

Because it is one of the most natural thing to do … Single people flirt because they can and married people flirt because they can’t!! Other motivations are – it is fun, by definition it is not playful and not with any serious intent – so why not, sometimes the attention and the compliments are quite lifting!

What are the different motives for flirting?

Flirting for fun

Flirting with intent

Where can we flirt?

Parties, pubs, hotels, school and other places of learning, community college, public transport, work place (beware of those nasty anti harassment laws), sports events, any events really!!

Who can we flirt with?

Depends on your motive!!

How do different genders perceive flirtatious behaviour?

Female – I want to feel good, feel wanted.

Male – Opportunity for sex!!

What are the pros and cons of flirting?

Pros – Procreation, conducive to civilisation and achievement Cons – Sure as hell way to get into trouble, especially if you are female and flirting for fun! For males, the potential to be thought of as a sleaze bag particularly if the flirter is female who is flirting for fun!!

So, now for the Rules of flirting:

I GIVE UP!! Guys, as you probably have figured out by now, this is an extremely philosophical and thought provoking piece – NOT.  Seriously, I was bored and this is what happens when I get bored. Please read, giggle if you must and argue with me.

CAUTION:  Please do not try this at home and if you do try – please use extreme caution and follow all the written and unwritten rules!!

But the heart is Indian ..

A friend once told me about an incident – one of her colleagues, a young man that she worked with chose to convert to Islam.  This young man’s mother was devastated at this decision and she just could not comprehend his need to take up a new faith.  After telling me about this incident my friend said to me:

“How is converting one’s religion different to switching nationalities?  So many people give up on India and move overseas in search of a green card and better life.  How is this different?”

  This whole episode allows scope for many philosophical debates.

1. Is there a need to convert religions when all faiths pretty much show different paths to the same destination? 
2. Is there a valid reason for the mother to be devastated about this conversion?  It could have been a lot worse!  Wouldn’t she have been more devastated if he turned out to be a serial killer or rapist?
3. Is it right to compare change of religion to change of nationality? 
4. It is so wrong to convert religions if it makes you happier or gives you peace?
5. Do we switch loyalties by moving to another country? 

The last one is a very poignant question.  Do we switch allegiance by moving countries?  There is a saying in Tamil – “Yaadum Oore Yaavarum Kelir” – every land is my land and all its inhabitants are my kin.  Man has been nomadic for as long as he has lived and that is a way of life.  Just like a bird has to fly, a man has to explore.  Migration has always happened and it will always happen.  Take India as an example; there are so many racial mixes among Indians that it is impossible to determine what our ethnic origins might be.  All these ethnicities have blended beautifully in a huge melting pot called India. 

But, I digress!  My friend raised this question in the context of the current day trend where the highly educated leave India in search for a better livelihood in other countries.  Is this the same as people converting to another religion?  Do people forget their country of birth and their origins when they move?  As a first generation migrant, I would completely refute this! 

I haven’t changed my way of life, my faith, my value system or my loyalties because I’ve moved.  Yes there are superficial changes but at the fundamental level, I doubt if I have changed.  I cry every time I hear the national anthem, get deeply emotional every time India achieves, cling to nostalgia, carry memories of my beautiful country of birth, follow customs that have long ceased to exist in India and remain a fiercely proud Indian.  There is a common saying around where I live that the true test of loyalty is the ‘cricket’ test – and the theory is that our loyalties are with the nationality of the cricket team we follow!!  And in the cricket crazy country that I live in every Indian supports India – first generation, second generation … even young Australian Indians!  So I can’t see any switch of loyalties as yet.

But I am only a first generation migrant.  Will my grandchildren’s grandchildren still live in this country and share my ethos?  I look at the large third or fourth generation Indian community in South Africa – their food habits, their faith, their value systems are still Indian but they fail the cricket test.  All my South African Indian friends support South Africa!  Makes me believe now that ‘Yaadum oore yaavarum kelir’ is a well thought out deeply philosophical line that makes transition easy for all of us migratory birds! 

Maybe my friend is right about comparing converting religions to converting nationalities.  The switching of loyalties probably does not happen overnight while changing nationalities but it does happen over time.  All I can say is that I am relieved that I won’t live to see my grandchildren’s grandchildren ‘fail’ the cricket test J