I am going through a life changing turning point and I am apprehensive. Despite my blasé, ‘whatever is meant to happen will happen’ attitude, I am afraid. I don’t seem to be the only one – regardless of whether they are self-imposed or driven by the ‘powers that be’, turning points in life always seem to be nerve wracking. We ponder upon the impact – will I survive? Will it bring positive change? Is this right for me? The list of questions is long.
If we believe in the law of nature, change is the only constant. Life in all its glory throws curve balls continuously and as we live through these, we change each day – physically, intellectually, emotionally and in many other ways. Change is really the only constant. Why then are we afraid of the change that each turning point brings?
If we do not believe in the law of destiny and believe we shape our destiny, shouldn’t we feel more in control of our future? Why is change unsettling?
If we believe that destiny is all pervasive and believe that our part in shaping our destiny is miniscule in the grand scheme of things, we should have resigned to the ultimate levelling nature of destiny but we are not. There is still a fear of change and the unknown.
Fear is a complex emotion. What do we fear? What triggers fear? I try to rationalise my fear. My life turning moment is a decision to retire early and find out my calling in life (or to find if a calling even exists!).
I’ve listed the some of the statements that have gone through my head space:
‘What if I struggle in the future as an impact of this decision?’
‘I remember how much I’ve suffered as a penniless new migrant. Do I want to suffer like that again?’
‘I love travel! Will I have to cut out on my travel because I won’t be able to afford it?’
‘Maybe I will now have to give up on little pleasures in life.’
‘What do I do? Will my brain rust? Am I better off working and leading a very boring existence?’
As I look at all of these, there is a common theme. The fear is based on three main factors – our experiences in the past, our relating the past occurrence and the impact of the past to the future and of course the fear of not being in control, not knowing how the future is going to unfold.
I correlate the impact of the past to the future without realising that dwelling in the past just perpetuates my fear. Fear that what happened in the past may recur keeps me from enjoying my present – the decision to quit and do something exciting and meaningful. Instead of being open to the impending new experiences, I fear that I may get hurt. I realise that until we let go of my past and go with the flow, I am never really going to live the moment. Realisation dawns that focusing on the present and living for the moment takes away fear.
I know that everything in life is transient. I don’t know if the best phase of my life is yet to come or has been and gone! But this introspection tells me that I have to cherish every moment, live in the moment because I really do not know if the future will be as exciting. I tell myself that life is very boring without its spectacular cycles. Embracing the uncertainty and living life every day like it is the best day ever, is the way to be. After all there is a choice! Easy to philosophise and hard to practice but what I’ve found is that if you look at your life from the outside like it is happening to someone else, helps. I choose to be alive and cherish every living moment. Yes this may be different tomorrow when I go through a low but the introspection and resolve do help!
The past has been and gone and the future is inevitable – I must focus on now and enjoy the moment!
My Ana's Worth 